HAPPY MUSINGS

Happy Musings is a newspaper feature syndicated by King Features that I create each day to remind us all that “Life is wonderful!” I offer it here to brighten your day. Please share it with your friends.

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To Know But Not To Judge
One of the kindest points of view to have is summed up in this saying. It is a motto worthy of living by. The first part -- to know -- is to understand or to be acquainted with a person. But then to know without judging, that's the trick. We are limited many times by our own experiences and tend to slap judgments on what we see. Our vision is limited. When we truly want to know, we must see clearly and that can only be done without judgment.

Now the next part of this wonderful aphorism – to love, but not to keep – is also very useful in realm of people and kindness. When the word “mine” is not in the equation, we can enjoy and love everyone. And everyone who is loved enjoys the benefits this kindness allows. This is particularly true with family members – children and spouses. When others are seen as “mine” a person can get very possessive. But when seen as “mine to love” there is greater freedom enjoyed by all.

The last part of the verse -- to be, but not be asleep – takes into account the idea of being aware, but not being passive. We're here to act, to help out, to make things better, to participate. We're not here to find a comfort zone and sit in it.

These three ideas provide a description of a particular way of life – one that gives a sense of purpose, a sense of freedom and one that has kindness at its core.

01/26/09 (Kindness)


Add Some Kindness to Your Salad
Kindness Goes a Long Way To Making A Better World""
We are all occupied with making a better world, in one way or another. At least that's the big goal for most of us. Oftentimes we are preoccupied with things that seem to fill our days that do not seem to be making much of a head way in that direction. However, when we are doing whatever we are doing, large or small, we can include the element of kindness. It makes such a difference in our exchanges with others. And, little by little, as we dust kindness across our day, our world gets better too.

In the little village in which I live there is a special restaurant – The Girard Gourmet. It is not a restaurant in the usual sense. It is a bakery, a European-style delicatessen and coffee house. It runs along a narrow rectangular space with a few tables inside and then spills out onto the sidewalk. It is owned and operated by a Belgian couple – Francoise and Diana. They are round, jolly, creative and hard-working. The food is delicious and all “homemade”. They feed La Jolla . They feed it well. At noontime the line out the door is so extensive that it can cut off traffic to the neighboring shop. But the wait is well worth it.

While Francoise is in the kitchen overseeing the cooking and baking, Diana is out front handing the customers with the rest of her staff. But there is a quality that encompasses the restaurant and waifs out the door along with the smells of freshly baked bread, homemade soup or their famous cowboy cookies. It is the essence of the restaurant, the essence of the people who own it and operate it. It is kindness. Everyone smiles. Everyone is helpful. Everyone is creating delicious meals for the customers. Each sandwich is prepared individually and to exact specs. Each plate is served up graciously. No rushing as each helper operates efficiently and independently.

It is a treat to go into The Gourmet, not only tummy-wise but heart-wise. Such a simple thing as kindness makes this part of the world better for sure.

01/12/09 (Friendship)

Be a Friend
"To have a friend is great. To be a friend is greater."
The older you get it seems, there is more satisfaction in giving than receiving. Friendship has these two sides to it. The coin is friendship and the sides are having a friend and being a friend. Perhaps being a friend is greater.

Several years ago I wrote a book called THE HAPPY BOOK that Ten Speed Press published. They asked me to gather a few testimonials for the book from as famous people as I could muster. I called Billie Jean King, whom I had not spoken with in years, and her first words were, “What can I do for you?” I was taken aback in a way, because, of course there was nothing I could do for her, but her question implied such generosity. “What can I do for you?” was direct and at the same time implied friendship. She was willing to do something for me, if she could. And she did so most graciously. No wonder she is so loved.

During the process of finding testimonials for that book I also contacted one of Hollywood's most famous leading men, a dear friend whose home I had stayed in many times. The answer to the same request was quite different. “No, if I do it for you I will have to do it for everyone.” It was a different point of view of friendship, I learned. I still love him.

Then I asked another old friend Merv Griffin if he would comment on my book. Merv was notorious for his generosity. His answer was, “Of course.” The publishing company was very pleased with his endorsement of the book. I sent him a little piece of art with my ‘thank you' that said, “Big-hearted people show themselves for what they are by what they do.” He was certainly one of them.

To have a friend is great. But, to be a friend is the most helpful thing anyone can be. In doing so, the one who is being the friend is also the one who is for sure enjoying the friendship.

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